Seeing The Strengths Of Your Neurodivergent Relationship

Every part of Hiki, from ideation to design to launch, has been built with Autistic adults to make sure that it is representative of Neurodivergent needs. Personally, if I’d had to explain how I work to a therapist before we’d even got to my issues, I’d know they’re not the person for me. You’ve almost certainly spent enough of your life feeling misunderstood and over-explaining yourself already.

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That said, neurodivergent people often have other ways of showing love and affection, info-dumping and “parallel play” being common ones. You may find that your dominant love language isn’t a language at all. If this is you, I invite you to give yourself as much time and space to process your emotions as you need (we’re talking days not minutes).

Assessing the anxiety and depression of theNeurodivergent partner as well as the communication burden of being a Neurodivergent Couple is the first step. Adults that are Neurodivergentmay have difficulties in group situations. They might not choose appropriate topics to discuss and find small talk and chatting very difficult. They may take what people say very literally and have problems understanding teasing,double entendre, irony, and sarcasm. Gender inNeurodivergence is often a crucial issue in couples therapy because it’s believed that for everyNeurodivergent woman, there are anywhere from 3 or moreNeurodivergent men. Most neurodiverse couples who wind up on my couch are a high-functioning, successfulNeurodivergent man, and his NTwife.

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They may need to manage their social impressions or find ways to block out distractions. For example, people with ADHD may have trouble with time management. But they often show high levels of passion, drive, and creative thinking.

As autism has become more recognized, psychologists have lobbied for it to be considered a different way of functioning rather than a disorder. The concept of neurodiversity was introduced during the fight for autism awareness and rights. It’s saying “I know myself and I trust what I know.” And that deep knowing leads us to other powerful and beautiful things. For neurodivergent individuals, the beginning of a lifelong pattern of masking behavior often starts in childhood.

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I have faced many challenges within the community I grew up in and currently serve. From a young age, I had a curious mind and wanted to learn more about the things that make us who we are. Although my parents worked together, I was often placed in a position to care for my two sisters and mom.

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In my office, this also translates to huge efforts to understand their neurotypical partner as well, even though it might be extremely difficult to do so. A person who is neurotypical is someone who has a more ‘typical’ style of functioning. In this instance, typical doesn’t mean better but instead used purely as a descriptor.

Masking, in simple terms, is actively changing your behavior to cover up a part of yourself that might make you seem too different or incompatible with others. It’s a coping mechanism people with ADHD, high-functioning autism, and other neurotypes often use to appear “normal” or what society deems behaviorally acceptable. Every day we enter into situations that require us to hide certain parts of ourselves, our pain, our anxiety, our self-doubt. Many of us are asked to code-switch or adapt to the common denominator—it’s a reality of civilized life that is pretty tricky to escape. Yes, my experience has been that to cut the confusion short, one has to communicate more clearly and directly oneself, and it’s hard because it’s vulnerable, but it’s necessary. Men, who force their own effed up interpretation of every interchange with a woman they’re interested in, are Not Listening to Women.

I also have other neurodiverse friends who would rather avoid anything other than hand holding for the first few dates,” she says, adding that, as always, it’s best to ask. There are many incorrect assumptions people make about dating autistic people. In my free time I like riding motorcycle when the weather is good. I grew up on a small farm in Iowa, went to college, joined the Army, experienced war, married and then divorced, lived many years overseas, and am now an I.T.

Maybe many of us should stop being less and others who are not like us should, every once in a while, try to be more. For many people who are neurodivergent small talk and gossip are unnatural and uncomfortable. Communication is key to understanding and helping those who are neurodivergent. It’s important to avoid ableist language, especially when that language frames neurodivergence in a negative light. For example, don’t call someone “lame” or “crazy” when you mean that their idea is “silly” or “outlandish.” Self-stimulating behavior, commonly known as stimming, refers to repetitive behaviors that a neurodivergent person does when excited, nervous, angry, etc.